Ever had a time in your life that you just shake your head at?
For me, it's the ripe old age of 23.
In 2011 I had just moved to Texas to pursue a career in public relations for a Christian camp, graduating college just a few months before.
That was a tough, mucky time for me. It was a year where my neatly packaged ideals met the messy reality of life.
Within months of starting my new job, I soon realized that public relations and the vision I had for myself, would not come to pass. This would not be my career.
Back to the drawing board so soon?
It was hard to face that my four year degree had been essentially wasted. That I would have to go back to school and start over again in something else.
The mere thought made me sick.
But after finishing the year at the camp, I enrolled at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.
I didn't really know what God wanted me to do there, but I did feel a strong urge to go and that it was the right path. I had thought about maybe writing curriculum, but wasn't sure where God was leading me.
But I was also very bitter about the situation. I just figured that since I graduated with a four year degree that the next logical step would be a career. I just didn't understand this detour.
I felt lost and kind of abandoned.
I mean...it wasn't like I didn't consult Him before deciding to major in public relations. What gives?
I didn't realize the gravity of my heart condition until I moved into my duplex at seminary. My parents were there to help. My mom could sense my tension. As we were bring boxes in, she asked me why I thought this couldn't happen.
I caught myself before I said it out loud....
I almost said... "It wasn't supposed to happen to ME."
It was in this moment, when my arrogance first made itself known. I couldn't believe what was buried deep in my heart. I somehow believe that I deserved better.
I was quiet the rest of the day. Lost in my conviction. Once my family left to head back to Louisiana, I spent a lot of time reflecting on what almost came out of my mouth earlier that day-what was truly in my heart.
Matthew 15:18 "But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a man."
I came to the conclusion that I needed to somehow become humble. That being humble is a core character trait of Christians, and somehow I did not have it.
I spent most of the semester studying what it meant to be humble. The word itself, people that seemed humble, and what the Bible said about humility.
I found one of my required readings for seminary to be particularly very helpful. In the book the Six Core Values of Sunday School by Allan Taylor was a quote that really gripped me.
On one of it's pages, it said, "No one cares what you know until they know how much you care."
It's something that many others may have heard before, but at that time in my life...it was brand new to me.
It stopped me in my tracks. It made me realize just how "puffed up" I had been. I wrote this quote down on a sticky note and put it on my mirror. I wanted to remind myself of this daily.
I started to examine the ways that I could be more humble.
I came up with short list:
not putting others down to make myself look better
not assuming that because I follow "the rules" that I deserve a better life
look at people as being ALL of God's precious creations
not flaunting my knowledge about Bible history or traditions...to make myself seem superior.
I'm sure I could have made a bigger list, but these were enough to start with. It's an embarrassing list to have made. But...it's just where I was in my walk with Christ.
I had somehow confused growing in a relationship with God with growing in knowledge about God.
Knowledge isn't evil, but if it is only being used to gain power, manipulate, or put down others...it's not serving it's purpose.
And honestly, as a Christian, if your knowledge of Christ has not led you to a more humble lifestyle...do you really have any knowledge of Him at all?
It's been nearly ten years since God first opened my eyes to my great sin. However, humility is not something I have mastered.
But along the way I have picked up some other truths about humility- you CANNOT fake it.
You either respect and value others as equal to yourself or you don't.
You can try to fake it, but the truth will always seep out.
1 Peter 5: 5 "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
God always resists the proud. Being proud says that you don't need Him. That you've got it all figured out and no longer need His assistance. It also says that you don't need others, and that your way is the best way.
This is in direct contrast to His two greatest commands: to love Him and to love others.
I don't want God to resist me. I want to follow His commands, and I certainly want His grace. So that means that I need to daily recognize my deep need for Him, to daily ask for His forgiveness and grace. And to ask Him to help me see others as He sees them-worthy of my respect.
In trying to achieve humility, I started on a path of maturity. It hasn't been a fun path and I haven't "arrived" yet, but I count it a great joy that He considered me worth working on.
And you know...He's still working on me
Here's a little treat from when I was 5 years old, the first song I sang at church all by myself.
I am so very thankful that He's still working on me...
Here are the words:
He's Still Working on Me by The Hemphills
(written by Joel Hemphill)
He's still working on me To make me what I need to be It took him just a week to make the moon and stars The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars How loving and patient He must be 'Cause He's still workin' on me
He's still working on me To make me what I need to be It took him just a week to make the moon and stars The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars How loving and patient He must be 'Cause He's still workin' on me
There really ought to be a sign upon my heart Don't judge him yet, there's an unfinished part But I'll be better just according to His plan Fashioned by the Master's loving hands
He's still working on me To make me what I need to be It took him just a week to make the moon and stars The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars How loving and patient He must be 'Cause He's still workin' on me
In the mirror of His word Reflections that I see Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray Remember He's the potter, I'm the clay
He's still working on me To make me what I need to be It took him just a week to make the moon and stars The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars How loving and patient He must be 'Cause He's still workin' on me
He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me
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