It was love at first sight when I looked over and saw my newborn son for the first time.
I thought, "That's my baby?"
I kept thinking, “I made that? No way!"
While holding him, I would look at his little face, play with his tiny toes and think, "he truly is fearfully and wonderfully made." Each strand of hair, every eyelash, and both of his chubby cheeks-all so wonderfully made.
But even as I marveled over him, I couldn't help but feel disconnected from "my part" in his creation. He truly felt like a gift from the Lord. Not something that my husband and I created, but graciously given to us.
I was tempted for a moment to feel troubled by this disconnect; however, I'm thankful that I didn't (and still don't) feel any ownership in my son's creation. Because in truth, it wasn't Caleb nor I who created Asher, but God.
It was God who knitted him together inside my womb. It was God that insured his development, and it was God that oversaw his safe arrival.
What cells did I create? What muscle tissue did I form?
What bones did I bring together?
I did nothing. My body was simply the vessel.
Recognizing him as a gift instead of my creation, helps me feel my stewardship more keenly. For reasons I don't understand, I tend to take greater care of things that are NOT mine. I'm more intentional, responsible, and protective. All things I hope to be as a parent.
By relinquishing my ownership of my son, I'm more aware of God's plans for him. Instead of hoping for my son to fit my dreams and expectations, I'm more willing to help him find God's plans for his life.
And I like that.
I like that my vicarious dreams get cut. The worldly standards of success- like being the best athlete, best student, or most popular fades away.
If I desire for Asher to have good character, to be a good neighbor, husband, and friend- a hard-worker, reliable and trustworthy, generous and fair, confident and courageous-then I must intentionally show him the ways of the Lord.
As it says in Matthew 6:33 "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."